Last week we celebrated National Coming Out Day. It’s an annual celebration when those crazy Gay and Lesbian folk proclaim their right to be out and about in the world! At our house we celebrated by working all day and then playing trivia with our straight friends. It’s something we do every Tuesday. When we got home last night I realized that by our actions we had failed to celebrate our independence. It was almost as if we had missed The Fourth of July.

Upon further reflection, I then began to celebrate the lack of necessity to celebrate. By not celebrating, we had in essence proclaimed our sameness. Our ability to not be different! It was a moment of pure and unadulterated joy. Until, and there always is an until, I realized that October the 11th is not only National Coming Out Day it is also my nephews third wedding anniversary (a fact I remembered due to all the familial accolades on his and his wife’s Facebook pages).

I certainly do not begrudge my nephew nor his wife their celebration. However, my partner and I just celebrated our 14^th anniversary and in those fourteen years not one member of either of our families has offered the first congratulatory word! You see we are without the benefit of a signed and sealed legal document. Our relationship is no different from any other. We have made our relationship work, through richer and poorer, through sickness and health, we have seen each other through tragic loses and celebrated tremendous achievements. We did it not because there is some piece of paper that says we must stay together but because we made a commitment.

I am angry! Angry that my hard fought fourteen years, without paperwork, are some how considered less than their three years, with paperwork. Hebrews 13:4 tell us that Marriage is honorable in all and I believe that marriage is honorable; honorable to God, honorable to each other and honorable to humankind. Would my marriage be less honorable to God?  I am angry because Churches celebrate marriages that are the 4^th and 5^th attempt for some. They understand that 50% of US marriages do not survive. However my stable 14 year relationship is an abomination and a threat to the institution of marriage?

I am angry that my state, that already does not allow gay marriage, domestic partnerships or any other form of legalization has spent months debating a Constitutional amendment that will make it even further illegal for me to have a legalized relationship. Never mind the 10% unemployment; the crumbling infrastructure; or our failing educations system; let’s spend precious legislative time piling on the anti-gay bandwagon. Is it possible to make it any more illegal for me to be gay and in a relationship?

All this frustration left me feeling very alone in the world, well as alone as I can be with 3-25% of the population who are also fighting for their gay rights. Then yesterday, I spent some time with a friend. He’s married, straight and 20 years my junior. We sat on the tailgate of my truck for a couple of hours talking about work, relationships, politics and the US economy. When suddenly he begins to tell me how knowing me has changed his attitude about gay people in general. How he struggled to force himself to stop using the phrase ‘that’s so gay’ after we met because he realized it was offensive. How the vote coming up in May is offensive to him because of me and Jenn. It was then that I realized how the Freedom Riders of the 60’s must have felt. The pain of the ever so slow process, mixed with the elation of knowing you are making a difference.